Spotlight on Asparagus

Cue the music!  Draw the curtains! Focus on centerstage, as our next talent, GUS, woos the audience with his impressive song and dance routine!

But he’s not just entertainment, folks!

No, he’s not just a side dish!

No longer waiting in the wings as the last thing to go on our plates, see why this fella is taking off the top hat with pride; showcasing his hidden abilities is now a full time act for this Asparagus!  Let’s sneak backstage and see if we can snag this lean, green health-boosting machine to find how he put’s on a sold out show…

I push through the crowd, dodging the screaming fans and the merchandise table, gripping my microphone tightly, clutching it to my chest, and yelling “Excuse me!” at the top of my lungs.  I zig and zag until finally, I knock on the dressing room door.  Gus opens it, and welcomes me into the brightly lit room, where I wedge myself in between Oli and Cole.  Who could’ve predicted my night would end up between an olive and a stalk of broccoli?  So there I sat, across the table from one of the most famous asparagus of all time.

Me: Gus, how was your show tonight?

GUS: Well, overall it went pretty well.  I don’t think that many people have heard of us, because lately we’ve been getting pretty bored in the supermarket.  I had my stalks freshly cut before tonight’s performance and I’m feeling nice and green.

Me: That’s good, I guess it helps to have freshly cut stalks?

GUS: Yeah, that way the bottoms aren’t so tough to chew.  And some time in the sauna gives me a light steam.  But I had the bottoms of my stalks cut after the sauna.

Me: So a light steam for a few minutes brings out the green?

GUS: Yeah, it softens my exterior, making it easier for digestion and let’s the plant fibers break down a bit.  Cutting off the bottoms after cooking keeps the nutrients while steaming…

Suddenly, I’m bumped into on my left side.  An avocado obviously has some beef with the olive.

“My fats are better than yours, buddy!”  I hear the avocado say.

“OL-LIVE to punch you out!” shouts the olive in defense.

I pause, and drop my jaw in surprise.  I’m listening to an olive talk trash to an avocado.  Am I crazy?  Is this really happening?  Is my reporter job going too far?

“You’d love to punch me out?” retorts the avocado, “Well, let’s see how long before I take out your pimento!”

“Oh yeah?  I’ll gut you out!  Wouldn’t that be a pit?” sneered the olive, amused at the pun, imagining the avocado’s pit falling out.  Cole, the broccoli on my right, threatens to break it up with his florets.  And I’m stuck in the middle…

I turn around and throw my arms up in contempt.  “Guys!  I’m trying to interview some asparagus, here.  Give me a break!  And FYI, both of you have good helpful fats, so just relax!”

The olive and avocado give pats on the backs to each other.

“Enough till next time, Omega Face!” Oli mutters.

“Hope you don’t get squished into oil…” replies the avocado.

My interview continues…

Me: So, Gus, tell me, what sorts of benefits do you have to offer?

GUS: Well, I protect against cancer, am great for flushing out excess fluid in the body, and have some nice stores of Vitamins A, B, and C.  Got lots of iron, potassium, and manganese too.

Me: Wow, that’s great!  So, if you’re a diuretic, carrying out excess fluids, what does this mean for people with kidney concerns?

GUS: Asparagus  stimulates the kidneys, but if you’re someone that has to stay away from things that have a diuretic effect then don’t eat me.  Also, stay away from me if you have cystitis or arthritis.

Me: What else is on your resume?

GUS: I have experience building red blood cells and healthy capillaries.  And I’m great for building the immune system!

Me: Well, sounds like you have a lot offer!  Who knew?  Keep up the great work, we love your act, and it’s always entertaining, and educational, to watch some green veg buddies pull together a fascinating night of enchantment.

GUS: Thank you!  And, remember, the next time you waltz through the produce aisles think of us, asparagus, and all the great benefits that we can give!

Knowing all that, oh boy, I give that 5 stars, a thumbs up, and a bursting round of applause!  Invite this superstar into your home next time for dinner and let this recipe be a delicious way to indulge yourself in a grand finale!

Asparagus With Lemon-Garlic Paste

• 1 pound asparagus
• 3 cloves garlic
• 3 Tablespoons veggie stock
• 2 teaspoons olive oil
  
• 2 Tablespoons lemon juice
• pinch of cayenne pepper
• pinch of sea salt

1) Steam the asparagus and garlic over boiling water for about 4-5 minutes, or until tender.

2) While cooking, in a small bowl, combine the stock, oil, lemon juice, cayenne and salt.  Stir and let set.

3) When done, remove the garlic.  Mince or chop finely and add to the mixture.  Let sit for about a minute.

4) Take out the asparagus, trim the bottoms and drizzle on the lemon-garlic-oil mixture.

5) Savor the scrumptious flavor!